Some days the universe speaks very loud. I am one that is always looking for signs, asking for guidance and sometimes instead of being delivered in feathers and number synchronicities, its in the challenges thrust upon you.
Wednesday was a full moon and like all days I started with meditation in the morning reciting a mantra to remove obstacles I have done for some time. Upon coming downstairs out of nowhere my mala fell from my neck to the floor broken. The symbolism of my mala is a powerful one for me and it breaking felt like in one swoop it lost its power and I let out an audible gasp. I felt as if I had made a mistake. I instantly intuitively knew there was a message in this though I wasn’t sure what.
As the day went on, my work just presented one challenge after another as every task I tried to complete resulted in another problem or just was unable to accomplish for the most odd reasons. My employees brought me piece after piece of frustrating bad news and further obstacles. Then I headed to the airport and put behind me stuff I would figure out later. I then get there only to find every single parking lot closed and a maze to find a new overflow lot they created. Never in my 20 years of flying almost weekly have I experienced this at my small home town airport. By the time I parked I had to wait another 20 minutes to prepay and catch a bus, and then thinking I might have a chance within minutes to get on my plane if I could sail through TSA precheck, they didn’t have precheck open, also a very rare situation at my airport leading to another 20 min security wait.
Ok, so despite my frustration, it became very clear I wasn’t meant to be on that flight. I won’t even share how much I had to pay to get on the next flight either, but it was significant, as they couldn’t just do an exchange.
So I suddenly found myself with a 3 hour wait in the airport. I was agitated to say the least by the day and then the PAUSE. Time to look for the lessons. I looked up the meaning of malas breaking, and to no surprise I came up with the idea that it signifies a need to reset intention. That its an ending of a phase and time to shift in to a new one. I have been receiving this message in many forms for a while and the message is getting louder and more urgent.
Sometimes I feel like a pendulum swinging back and forth trying to settle in to my center. The problem is you can either just let go be patient and wait for the swinging to settle naturally, or grab it to slow it down. If I am patient the centering is less traumatic, but the wait is dizzying. The allowing vs acting conflict is alive and well in me.
I have been contemplating a new path and actively trying to work on it while doing my day job, questioning the right next step and dealing with fears over giving up the stability I have had with my career financially that I value as a single mom. Well the universe is telling me that its time, the challenges and flight were just reminders of how my job throws me off center for no good reason, when the activities don’t even align with my being. So I am meditating on it and driven to go deeper to be the change I am spiritually guided to make. I am listening universe, thank you for the nudges. I am grateful for the opportunity that all my life challenges bring. These were insignificant ones, just enough to bring me in to awareness and confidence to proceed.
It starts here , with vulnerability and visibility.
I will not play victim to my life
I will not complain
I will listen when the soul does speak
I will not avoid the pain
I will know that I am held
In loving light and sound
I will lean in to my greatest fears
Until my path is found.
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