A love letter to myself

I wrote this yesterday. It was a love letter to myself with words I needed to hear. I wasn’t going to post- it was too raw, to out of context, too much.  Then I laughed because that’s all a contradiction. So posting now to release my fears and live my intention toward my own growth and shedding my old skin, and who knows? Maybe it will help you shed yours too. ❤️

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Today is the day you just say, ENOUGH!  Its time.  You’ve cried, you’ve second guessed, you’ve judged yourself, you’ve defined yourself by your failures, by your comfort zones, by your job, your marital status, your looks.  You have looked in the mirror with disdain at your body.  You have criticized your intellect, your artistry, your actions, your discipline for change.  You have made a plan that you never implemented, or failed at or quit half way through.  You have hurt those you were supposed to love, you have let yourself be hurt by those that were supposed to love you.  You measured yourself against an external yard stick that changes as quickly as the evening news.  Enough.  No really, enough.

Its time.  Time to face the truth.  The truth that you are ok just as you are.  The truth that you deserve the love and acceptance people are trying to give you.  The truth that you have no guilt to carry, shame to house.  No obligation to loathe yourself because you are not perfect, because you’ve made mistakes, even the big ones.  The truth that its ok to think you are beautiful, despite your moles, your dimples your big nose and little eyes.  Despite your wrinkles and bunions and that ugly little toe.  NO ONE cares about that little toe.  Its time to face the truth that there is nothing that you need to be but you and the only measure you can make from now on is by how well you can see another’s truth as well.  Yup, they are enough too.  Even if you don’t want them to be.  We never would look at a small child and tell them they are not enough.  What age is it we decide that there is such a thing?  How many mistakes, failures does it take?

They can keep arguing with you about this.  They can keep trying to make you question, bring you down in to the illusion that you are worthless and you have to buy, achieve, do something special to be enough.  They can do whatever they want.  That is the amazing thing about free will.   And guess what, so can you.  You can choose.  Choose not to listen.  Choose to love this life.  Choose to learn the lessons versus spending time blaming others.  Choose to get out of your own fucking way.

So I am here, and I am choosing.  Choosing to be enough.  Choosing to love myself, choosing to put down the chains I’ve forged.  Choosing to walk free and see what the hell happens.

Fear, doubt, loss, loneliness, sadness, pain, anger, hate.  These are my opponents, but I know that fighting back only gives them power.  So I am surrendering.  Surrendering to Love, to Light, to Faith that I am a Soul.  And with that faith I don’t need to conquer the world.  I don’t need recognition, I don’t need to please you or prove anything to you.  I am love and as such I will give it to the world unconditionally,  I will surrender my resistance.  I will rise and while nothing may ever be the same again,  everything new will be beautiful.

You’ve heard it all before
That its futile to resist
You’ve fought the raging war inside
Just trying to exist

Oh what a release
to finally drop the heavy sword
to notice the earth under your feet
with open heart unto the world.