As the year winds down, I am filled with mixed emotions. Its been a transformative year in my life to say the least and as I reflect on all that has occurred, I am faced with the question of what my true intention for the next year will be now that I have gotten to a place of understanding that its all for my choosing.
As last year began, I wrote three goals. Buy a house, start a personal renewal group for women and to meditate everyday. My one word intention was Faith. This simplicity was what I needed. I was finalizing a divorce, and starting a spiritual journey wanting to connect and serve others. I accomplished all of these goals and many more. I met many new people, I learned to receive and give love in a new way. I went to Bali by myself. I learned to let go of worrying about what others think and to love my body for all it does for me. I found miracles in nature. I studied mindfulness, reconnected with creative writing and found compassion for everyone, with a new understanding of how we are all connected and that even those we think have it all figured out, are suffering too. I began a process of coming out of fear and the voices telling me I have to do certain things, or that I couldn’t do others. I also experienced loss, and stress and self doubt as I stepped up the ladder. I would sometimes climb a few steps only to find one break under me and slip backwards. The good news is I always got a little higher the next time. Overall it was an amazing year I am so grateful for everything that occurred and what I learned from it.
Now its time to let go of all of that. When we make big changes and strides the results can be like a high as you find yourself capable of surviving the hard stuff. As time goes on those wins become more subtle. Even if we are still transforming, which we are, the changes that we see with our sensory perceptions become less noticeable. That’s when the self doubt can creep in again and the questioning of whether you are actually growing at all or if you have lost momentum. On top of that, the challenge with removing limiting beliefs and understanding what has been holding you back opens up the understanding that nothing is holding you back but you. I say challenge because while this is a fantastic realization, its also overwhelming as your choices are suddenly endless. So what to choose? These next levels of change up the ante as these are the changes that may actually further remove you from what is safe, from what you have been to this point and the risk feels higher. In turn a new set of limiting beliefs crops up with the understanding that you still have a lot of work to do!
As I start the new year, this is my conundrum. So back to setting intentions. As I said my word last year was Faith. It was about trusting the unfolding and stepping out of the need for control. To understand that the universe has my back and that everything was happening for a reason. And it definitely did. It was about detaching from outcome. As the year ends I need to carry that with me and now determine what word will lift me further into the life I want and who I want to be.
My word for 2019 is Service. I am not going to attempt to define here what that could mean as intentions are just that. How it manifests I am going to let unfold (though I have lots of ideas). I am grateful for where I am, and the abundance of choices in front of me. I am determined to let go of my fears in order to bring this to light.
Goodbye 2018- and thank you